I cried the day my grandfather no longer knew my face
I wept by the window when he died
And when my mother called long distance
To say her mother passed away
I blubbered on the bus, I couldn't hide

I've cried at many broken hearts, I've sobbed in countless drinks
Over girls with faces I barely now recall
I balled and I ball on the kitchen floor
When living was too much
Pick a room, I've wept in them all

But I can't tell you why
Tonight my eyes are dry

I always cry at musicals
When loving dreams are sung
I've stained many books
Their stories false and true
I cry and rom-coms, dramedies
The news and children's films
The Muppet Movie, Frozen, Frozen 2

But I can't tell you why
Tonight my eyes are dry

What would you call the opposite of a comedian?
Whatever it is, that's what I wanted to be
I dreamed of touring the country
Playing small gigs in intimate venues
Sitting on stage in a leather wingback armchair
And telling tales of woe

The audience would join me in a long collective cry
We would all weep together as one
I even planned the merchandise
A hundred percent cotton souvenir handkerchiefs
Embroidered with tour dates
Available in the foyer after the show

I'm waiting for the waterworks to come
But I don't feel a thing, I'm just exhausted and numb
I need some release, I need to make it all real
A lacrimal Niagra, a dramatic reveal

Copyright: BMG Rights Management
Writer(s): Aiden Moffat, Malcolm Middleton